Whining

Would it be selfish of me to say that I miss being pregnant and having Calleigh all to myself? While I love having her here and watching her grow every day, I totally miss feeling her kick and move around inside of me and knowing that she was all mine. I miss knowing that I didn't have to share her with Darren, his kids, our families & friends. It was kinda like our own personal bubble.

I HATED having to stay in the hospital 4 extra days but it was great in it's own way too. Even though she was here, I still had her all to myself. Darren and everyone would come to visit but Darren was busy at home getting her room ready (painting, putting together her crib, swing, PNP, dresser...) It was like we were in our own little cocoon.

I soaked in as much as I could of her while I was on maternity leave. I know our bond is strong but she spends so much of her day with other people and not me. That kills me. I know she knows who I am but I'm not there. I have to leave her 5 days out of the week and I feel so guilty. Out of a week day, I'm only with her for 6 hours or less before she's asleep for the night. I really wish we could afford me to stay home but unless Darren finds a job making double what he's making now, it's not doable.

It's nice to dream though isn't it?

On a better note, Calleigh is smiling and grinning so much now. She's not laughing yet but with the noises she's making whilie she's smiling you can tell she's close to laughing. I can't wait to hear her first little giggle. I hope it's while I'm with her and someone else isn't telling me how beautiful it is. She's officially out of NB size clothes. She's into 0-3 now. I felt sad packing up her NB size clothes but she'll soon have a new little cousin I can donate them too. Our cousin Theresa is pregnant and is due in January. She's also having a little girl and she'll get lots of hand-me-downs from Calleigh. We went to her baby shower last Saturday and it was alot of fun. She looked so happy and glowing.