Excuse my hiatus

Yeah it's been about a month since I posted. You'll have to excuse me on that. It's been a rough few months. I will try and catch you up on everything that has happened so far.

Uhm I believe I last left off with our friend in a coma, my friend miscarrying, and my grandmother-in-law passing away, right?

Well our friend passed away the night before Thanksgiving. His funeral is this Friday. It's going to be really hard for my husband. I don't think it's quite hit him yet. He won't really talk about it to me either. I would be an emotional mess if something like this happened to my best friend. I wouldn't be able to function. I can't even imagine how his family and other friends feel. I've known him for 5 years, he walked in our wedding, he lived with us for a few months, he was there for birthday parties, our housewarming party, bachelor/ette parties...all the fun and even some of the sad stuff. He will be greatly missed by all who knew him.

Our friend fought a long hard battle before passing away. He never woke up from his coma, but his brain swelling had gone down. They had amputated his left leg, and had came to the conclusion that he would of been blind if he woke up. His eyes had quit responding to light tests, and a CAT scan proved little to no eye function.

My best friend Amanda suffered a miscarriage. Her and her boyfriend tried for another immediately and she got pregnant again right away. I hope this baby (or babies) stick! Yeah babies...you read that right...she might be having twins. She finds out today. Her HCG levels went up from like 1500 last Weds at 4 weeks 2 days to 9000 something as of Tuesday. Her doctor arranged for an US today. So we'll see what's going on then.

Uhm nothing really else to update y'all on about anyone else other than Calleigh.
She has 4 molars coming in right now. That's no fun. It's not affecting her sleeping at night but she is extra fussy during the day. I've been trying to keep the teething stuff on her gums and giving her those cold water filled things to gnaw on. She is saying so many words right now; mama, dadda, bubby, dog, that, night night, love you but it sounds like lo yo, hey, bye, yummy, gabba gabba...the list goes on. She's a smart little cookie. I can tell her to go get something and bring it to me or to someone else and she'll do that. She likes to shut doors, and open the dogs kennel! She's definitely a handful right now.

So over October

I love this time of year. October brings hope of cooler weather (when I say cooler I mean anything less than 90) , it brings hopes of holidays, and family time. But this year October has been nothing but bad news.

First things first on October 1st, our dear friend Randy was hit by a van as he was walking down the street. He is in a coma, has had his leg amputated, and has a trachea in his throat so he can breath. This is heart breaking. I've known Randy for 5 years but Darren has grown up with him. I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I was in Darren's place.

On October 3rd we get a call that Darren's grandmother passed away in her sleep. Monday Tuesday and Wednesday of this week are spent in Baton Rouge for the planning, the wake, and the funeral. Darren's grandpa isn't taking this so well. He wouldn't eat or drink for a week and is just now starting to eat small amounts of food.

On October 4th I get a call from my bff Amanda that our mutal friend's fiancee hung himself. The mutual friend found him. Again...I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I was in her place.

Darren leaves to go to Mississippi on October 18th.

I get in a car wreck on October 21st. My car is towed, I'm issued a ticket, and now I'm wondering what I'm supposed to do about all this wreck stuff.

Also my bff Amanda found out she was pregnant on the 20th and today she found out through blood work that her levels dropped and she is miscarrying the baby. She is devastated.

This month needs to hurry and end.

1 year old stats

Calleigh's one year appointment was last Friday. I forgot to blog all this week about it. Where has my mind been?

Her stats are: 22 lbs 11 ounces.......31 1/2 inches long
So in 3 months she's gone up almost 2 pounds and grown 1 1/2 inches. My little girl is slowly getting bigger and bigger.

One Year

My sweet little tater tot is a year old! It seems so surreal. This past year has had it's ups and downs, sad moments, happy moments, good tears, & bad tears. I know this is just the beginning too. I look at my toddler in amazement. She's so smart and she's constantly learning new things. She's beginning to get more and more independent and it's great. I am so proud of everything she has accomplished so far. She's learned to hold her own bottle, feed herself, roll over, crawl, walk, she knows that a shirt goes on her head, she knows that a phone goes to her ear, she knows that shoes go on her feet, she knows who mama and dada is, she knows what kind of food she likes and what she doesn't like....This list could go on and on.

In the past year she has stolen so many of our hearts. Family, friends, and co-workers. She was surrounded by so many great people at her birthday party. It was a huge success. It rained for about 30 minutes in the beginning of the party, but the sun soon came out and we enjoyed the day. I am so grateful to have so many loving people in her life.

This post could get really sappy and I could show you all how emotional I am but I'm not. Today has been a great day and I can't wait to get off work so I can take my little girl home and play with her. I'm making her a yummy dinner and then some yummy cupcakes. I really hope my little girl enjoys her day today.

She's amazed me so much in the past year and I know that the years to come are only going to get better and harder all at the same time. But this is something I am so very happy to get to experience with her. She makes me feel whole and is the best thing to ever happen to me.

Just rambling...ignore

Okay I'm expecting 30-40 people. Not including all the neighborhood kiddos that are bound to show up to play on our half jump half slide. Yep you heard that. I went all out. I got a half jump half slide and we're keeping it over night. So after the kids are sleeping it's grown up play time :) hehehe

Anyway...since we're expecting so many people I want to keep the food simple. Food and drinks can get expensive. That's why I'm taking my happy little butt to Sam's club today and buying hot dogs, sausage, hot dog buns, and cokes/water/juices. I'm sure buying the chips and candy at walmart will be fine. I am wanting to have some candy set out but we'll see if I actually go there. I have my candy buffet jars from our wedding and I'm thinking about being brave and trying to get the kids even more loaded up on sugar than they need to be lol

I want to make a velveeta rotel dip and have that and salsa set out with tortilla chips. Then have either plain or bbq chips set out too. I wanted to make these cute little marshmellow pops I seen floating around on the interwebs but I don't think I'm going to go there. I don't think I'll have the time or the patience. The few times I've tried to use melted chocolate it didn't really work.

K so today I need to buy food, drinks, decorations, outdoor stuff, presents....anything else? agh!

1 week left

Next Tuesday my daughter will be a year old. Yes you heard that right. Next week...1 year old! I'm feeling the anxiety coming. I'm feeling the tears coming. I'm feeling the nerves coming. I guess it's a good thing that her birthday party is this weekend so that when next Tuesday comes I'll feel like I have some practice in accepting that my little bitty babe isn't so little bitty anymore.

Her party is this Saturday. I'm super duper excited about it. I have been looking forward to this and planning this for a long time. I was supposed to go shopping Sunday but part of my life was taken and I had a day of insanity. I allowed myself that one day and I'm trying to focus on Calleigh to help me get through the miserableness I'm feeling right now. So Sunday's shopping trip didn't happen. It didn't happen last night because of the Saints game (which they won! SQUEEEEEE!!!) So today is a good day to get everything off the huge list done.

I have 2 party stores to go to in Lafayette if I can't get everything at one. I'm praying that babies r us has a birthday girl shirt. I'm praying that Academy or Target still has umbrellas and outdoor chairs so I can get my patio looking good. And I'm praying that I can get everything in one day....without having a breakdown in a store.

RIP My sweet Bear

Yesterday one of the best things in my life was taken from me by a stupid irresponsible driver. I was walking my dog and he was ran over by a neighbor. This neighbor then proceeded to get out of his car and yell at me as I was bawling like a baby over my dead dog. I am crushed. We buried him in our backyard and I felt like I was burying my son all over again. This dog was like my son. I know everybody grows attached to their pets but this is different. Darren bought me this dog 2 weeks after we started dating. I loved him from the moment I seen his furry little self. After we lost Wyatt I held this dog for 2 days and bawled. This is the longest Bear ever let me hold him without wanting to play or wanting to get down. He knew I was hurting and I he let me soak his fur with my tears. I always felt like God told Darren to buy this very expensive dog for this girl he just started dating because He knew He had other plans for our son. Bear was like therapy for me. He helped me when my psycho self wanted a baby to hold. He was my baby. Now he's gone.

This week has been a long week. I've been sick as a dog and working both jobs. The only good thing about working both jobs is that I'm keeping my sick germs away from Calleigh. There are many downfalls to this though. I'm not sleeping well, I'm not getting enough sleep, I'm a total cranky b*tch when I don't get to sleep. I need some rest and I'm so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning! And it's taking me even longer than normal to get over this cold because I'm not getting enough rest. I feel dizzy and nauseous and I'm afraid to eat. I HATE being sick.

To not make this post sound like I'm a total Debbie Downer today I shall post about my favorite kinds of candy

Laffy Taffy
Snickers
Milky Way
Starburst
Skittles
M&M
3 Musketeers
Runts
Tootsie Rolls
Reese's (have to be out freezer or fridge)

Halloween is coming. Are you going to give out candy or go trick or treating? What are your favorite kinds of candy?

Old Songs

Today on Facebook one of my friends from high school was posting old videos from "back in the day". Some of these songs brought back fond memories, some not so fond. It's amazing how something as simple as a song can have you thinking about things and people you haven't thought about in years.

My high school years were great. They could of been better but I wouldn't trade those days for anything. I did exactly what I wanted when I wanted and I think I turned out pretty fine. I made great friends and great memories.

Freshman year was great and scary all at the same time. I had been going to school with my class for 3 years and felt like I knew most of them pretty well. But being thrown into high school I made new friends from different grades. It was awesome. I had 4 classes each semester and was pretty stoked I only had to worry about 4 classes of homework. I had 4 of my favorite teachers this year. They were awesome and remained to be my favorite even into my senior year.

Sophomore year was more relaxed but still scary. Honestly I think every year was scary because I was closer and closer to being thrown into the real world. I still had a pretty close group of friends. Even though I had more acquaintances but my close friends remained my close friends. I started working in January of my sophomore year and I started driving too.

Junior year was awesome. Can't really explain much more. I had fun classes, fun teachers, and fun times....lots of them!

Senior year was awesome and bad all at the same time. I thought I was grown and moved out. Moved in with some awesome roomies and partied hard. A little too hard at times but it was still memorable. I almost failed from missing too much school and being tardy. I missed almost a whole week for Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Yeah it was that serious but out of all 4 years my senior year was my favorite by far. Some of my best memories are from this year and wow is all I have to say.

I'll have to see if I can dig some of my pictures out and scan them. Just to see some of these pics would be awesome.

New Puppies!

We got a female pomeranian a few months ago. I think back in April...Not too sure. That's horrible that I can't remember. But anyway I tried my hardest to keep my male and female away while she was in heat. I guess I didn't succeed. She had two puppies early this morning! She did it all by herself too. I figured it would happen last night or this morning because she was leaking a clear fluid and I figured it was her water breaking. I'm so proud of my little Bella girl! One of her pups are white and the other is a light cream. Just like my Bella and Bear. So cute!

10 of my favorite things

Yeah this blog is normally about Calleigh and whatever  happens to be going on in my life at the moment but I'm trying a few new things out. I want to post certain things on certain days and I want to post more often. Usually I don't post because nothing new has happened but I realize that's not a good blogger. So on Friday's I'll post a list of 10 things. Could be 10 favorite things like today, 10 favorite restaurants, 10 favorite cookies, 10 favorite cities....get my drift? This may not stick but hopefully it will.

Now in no particular order...

10) Curled up on the couch with a good book
9) Riding around with my windows down and good music blaring
8) Catching up on the phone with a really good friend
7) Playing with my doggies
6) Cooking something really amazing for the first time and it coming out awesome
5) Planning surprises for my loved ones
4) Watching a good movie with a big bowl of popcorn
3) Taking a long walk around my neighborhood or the city park
2) A hershey candy bar
1) A long hot bath at the end of a stressful day

If anyone reads this thing anymore what are some of your favorite things?

1 YEAR OLD PICTURES!!!

JCPenney's rocked my socks off with these photos. They were kinda pricey. It was $206 with the CD and a butt load of photos though so it's not that bad. I got half the pics at Sears and I like these better. The lady was really great with Calleigh and we got some great shots. These are only a few. I have the rest posted on my facebook so if you're friends with me on there then you've seen them.
Do you see her tutu? I made that! =)
Do you like it?

11 MONTHS!!

Calleigh made 11 months Saturday! She's such a big girl! She also decided to take 8 steps Saturday morning. Since then she's taken a few steps here and there. I love this stage she's at. She's fun and she's learning new stuff every day. Like yesterday she pushed her diaper box up to the front door, stood on the box, and reached for the door knob. Then she got down all by herself and pushed her diaper box around the house. Me and my husband sat on the couch laughing at her for hours yesterday while she played with her toys and that danged box. She even took her own diaper off yesterday! I came out the kitchen to see her naked butt crawling down the hall! I couldn't believe she learned how to do it.
I made her tutu yesterday! It is darling! I don't think I want to post a picture just yet. I want the picture I post to be the professional photo from her one year old photo shoot. I think I'm going Wednesday to do it. Either at Sears or JCPenney. I would love to do it with an actual photographer but the girls out here that I've talked to are super expensive. Today is too late to make an appointment and tomorrow I'm having a root canal. I work Thursday and I don't want to wait until Friday to do it. So hopefully Weds will work out. I'm getting really excited about her party!  

First Birthday Preparations

K so I told ya that I'm doing a ladybug theme right? So I'm going to share some stuff I've been ooogling over.

I plan on making a tutu. I'm just hoping that by the day comes around she can walk so she'll be able to wear it. I'm definitely making it because I will use it for her first year photo. This photo will be on her invite too. So her first year photo will be a few weeks before she's actually one, but that's fine with me. Of course, the tutu will be red and black. Not yellow!
And this darling party hat! I lurve it. I believe it'll be easy to make too. I'll just cover a normal party hat with red cloth, add black dots, some frufru stuff on bottom and top and call it a day! Easy peasy. Hopefully these are simple projects I can start working on now. I just need to get supplies.

I want to do something similar to this cake. Not an exact replica but something similar. I'm actually going to meet with a local baker today to talk about this.








  Or maybe even something like this. Obviously they look similar but the dots are different on the cakes. Yes that's a difference! Ohhh I love cake and I can't wait to see what we come up with.







Okay ignore all of the picture but the pom-pom things hanging! I will make some of these. I will..I will..I will...Okay well maybe I might enlist the help of a crafty friend but how hard can this be?

Yeah I suck at this!

Keeping up with two blogs is kinda hard! It's been about 2 weeks since I posted here last so I'll give y'all an update!
Calleigh has taken a few steps! My child is growing up! ahhh!!!
She can high five!
She can clap!
She can give you the sweetest kisses eva!

She'll be 11 months old Saturday and I believe I shall cry! She can't be turning a year old next month, can she? How can this little baby

Turn into this?

I've started planning her birthday party and I'm going with..................LADYBUGS! Yeah I know it's a bit overdone but omg I love it! And for the next 10 to 12 years she'll be requesting cartoons and stuff. So I can do what I want this year!

How many straws does it take to break the donkeys back?

The past few days have been really hard emotionally on me. Like stress wise I'm on a level 14. I can't even explain without making this a 1000 word entry. It's just so many little things that have been adding up and I have no body to really talk to them about. Last night I broke down and called my BFF at 10:30 before I went to a bar in my pj's to drown my sorrows. Thankfully, she stopped me. I don't think anyone wanted to see a crazy lady in her pj's. I talked to her for about an hour or so and I admit I felt relieved to talk about it but not anywhere close to feeling better. She thinks that stopping my hormone pills before I was supposed to has something to do with it but if it does it's a very small part. I have so much stuff on my plate and nobody understands. I don't even want to bore y'all with the details.

I just wish me and my baby could get away for a few days. She always makes me feel better. It's like her smile and giggles have magical healing powers. Her sweet kisses and hugs can wash all my stress away for the time being. I'm so glad I'm off tonight. I'm in desperate need of some play time with Calleigh. Hopefully this weekend rejuvenates me because honestly I don't know how much more I can take :(

OMG How could I have forgot to post this?!?!

Last Friday Calleigh had her 9 month well baby check up. Even though she is already 10 months old. I guess her pedi's office is SO busy. Anyway. On to her stats.
Length: 30 inches (WHAAAAAAAAT???)
Weight: 20 lbs 13 ounces
Head: 18 inches

FIRST OF ALL....WHO OKAYED HER TO GROW TO 30 INCHES?!?!??!?! Certainly not me. When she was born, she was 21 3/4" and 7lbs 13oz. So in just 10 months she's grown 9 1/4" and 13lbs?
Did you hear that?....The sound of my jaw hitting my desk?

We have a stander!

Standing up!

Calleigh has been standing by herself for a week or two now. Every time I pull my camera out she'll sit down and refuse to stand up again. I finally got some shots last night and I'll share the 2 best here. I've posted the rest on my facebook so if you're my friend on there, you've seen them.

So about the new blog look....my background deleted itself last week so I started playing around with a new one and I couldn't find one I liked. So I started playing around with Blogger's new stuff and kinda tweaked this into something I can work with for a while. I like it. We'll see how long I like it for though. ;)

Alma's Visit

Yes that is a picture of Calleigh in the front seat of the truck (GASP!) BUT...we were driving around jungle gardens, getting out and looking at gators, trees, and Buddha temples. I let her sit in the front because were were going all of 2mph and getting in and out. Bash if you want, but that's how we do it down herrrre in the diiiiirrrrty south! Ask Britney Spears y'all!

We had a lot of fun with Alma while she was here. All the waiting and counting down days till she got here was well wroth it! She flew in Thursday and we got home around 7ish that evening. We went and ate dinner at the restaurant that I work at. Went home and played cards and went to bed.

Friday we woke up and had breakfast, went to Avery Island and spent a few hours out there at the Tabasco Plant and Jungle Gardens. The humidity was killing her and I didn't make her suffer long. We only stayed a little while but we got a lot of great pictures and she had fun.

Friday night we went to my stepsons baseball team's bbq. The boys got awards and trophy's. It was nice to see all the families there too. We got to catch up with everyone and they were all nice to the "yankee" ha ha ha

Saturday we spent the day at my parents house and boiled crabs. I was happy she got to spend time with my parents, my brother, and my sista from another mista Amanda! Alma and Amanda met when me and Darren got married. They instantly clicked and they keep in contact on Facebook. We ate yummy Washington Parish watermelon after we had crabs. We got home pretty late and played cards again and stayed up talking.




Sunday Alma, Calleigh, and I went and ate brunch at Ruby Tuesday. Very yummy! Enjoyed having some girl time that we so desperately needed! That evening we hung around the house and Darren made his famous shrimp poppers. We made screwdrivers, ate yummy food, played cards, and enjoyed each others company.





Monday was her last day with us. We woke up really early and made the 2 hour drive to New Orleans to spend the day. We shopped in the French Market, walked around the French Quarter, had hurricanes, ate award winning candy, had crawfish bread, and enjoyed the scenery. We were going to go to Cafe Du Monde but we didn't think hurricanes and beignets mixed too well.





I was so sad to see her leave but I know we'll see her soon. We have air miles that expire in November so we'll be using them before then!

I may hate white cabinets but I love magic erasers

Oh dear last night was horrible! I cleaned my kitchen for 3 hours before throwing in the towel and eating dinner. I still have to clean the microwave and wipe down my fridge and stove, sweep and mop the kitchen then it's done. And the Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are my new favorite cleaning toy.

Today I have to clean both bathrooms, wipe down my couch (is it possible to clean microfiber? I shall google), wash all sheets, dust living room, dining room, and dining room light, clean 4 more ceiling fans, clean Calleigh's room, and then finally clean my room. Oh dear...I feel nauseous!

Anyway...so last night after I ate dinner I was playing with Calleigh. I was holding her and had her bent over backwards and was tickling her stomach. As she was laughing I noticed that her 4 teeth nubs up top have turned into full fledged teeth! I tried my hardest to get a pic but she wouldn't let me. So my little bitty 9 1/2 month old now has 6 full fledged teeth, and 1 little bitty nub on bottom trying it's hardest to come in. She'll have a mouth full soon!

I'm trying to think of a way to ween her off the bottle. So far, we've tried 3 different sippy cups and she hasn't liked any of them. She'll drink a little but she still prefers to drink out of a normal cup! Ugh...this bottle battle is going to be horrible. I believe once I find a sippy she likes, she'll give up her day time bottles. But her night time bottle is a whole different ball park! She NEEDS it to go to sleep. AND YES I KNOW TO WAIT TILL SHE'S A YEAR OLD TO TAKE THE BOTTLE FROM HER but with only 2 months left (aaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!) it's better to start trying sippy cups now than wait till later!

I hate white cabinets

So my cousin is coming to visit this Thursday through Monday. I'm super excited about her visit. I haven't seen her since Darren and I got married and she is by far my favorite cousin.

Her visit actually snuck up on me. I knew it was coming but when we got home Sunday night from my sister-in-law's house I realized how much I have to do before she gets here and I had a mild panic attack. I started dusting yesterday but I still have ALOT to do. Like dusting ceiling fans, crown molding, floorboards, entertainment center, cleaning and organizing, my kitchen needs a deep cleaning (by the way, I HATE white cabinets!), my bathrooms need a deep cleaning as well, I need to wash and dry sheets and comforters...

Whew that just makes me exhausted looking at my list and I know there are more things I'm forgetting. I foresee dinner being something simple and easy tonight. Like something I can just pop in the oven and forget about it.

Weekend!

This weekend is going to be very busy! When I get off work today, I'm going to pick up a birthday cake for my sister in law and then going home and packing. Loading up the kids and the truck and getting on the road. I'm driving to my SIL's house, dropping off the cake and my stepson so he can play with his cousins tonight. Then I'm going to stay at my parents house so they can see Calleigh. Then Saturday morning I'm waking up to a breakfast prepared by my wonderful dad, getting my hair cut and highlighted by my wonderful stepmom. Visit for a few more hours and go to my son's grave. Then going to PARTY it up at my sister in law's for her birthday party.

They're doing a HUGE bbq at her house and I'm so excited because the last time I was at her house for longer than an hour or two was for Christmas. Man do I need some time with her. I'm bringing my skipbo cards because that is OUR game. We can play that game for hours and hours.

And I WILL have pictures to post next week. I am determined to take lots of pictures this weekend.

Thankful On Thursday

-I'm thankful for a beautiful loving family. I don't know what I did to deserve such a great blessing.
-I'm thankful for kick ass friends who are there for me through thick and thin. No.matter.what.
-I'm thankful for my sweet doggies who shower me daily with love and sweet kisses.
-I'm thankful for hot sunny summer days spent with the ones I love.

Smooches

If I wouldn't have turned the internet off on my phone I would be able to show you the cutest thing eva!!! Calleigh has learned how to make a kissy face! It's so precious. I've been trying to show her how to blow a kiss and normally all she does is laugh at me. But yesterday she put her lips together and pushed them out. I couldn't help myself but steal a kiss and then take a pic and text it to my family and friends.

Calleigh has 7 teeth! Just a week or two ago she only had 4. She has the two on bottom that she's had forever now. She has a small nub poking in on the bottom left, and 4 nubs on top. It's so cute! She tried a hotdog last night and she loved it. I boiled it because microwave dogs are just gross! I cut it up small enough and let her feed herself.

I feel a little behind on the self feeding and solid food thing. So far she's only tried a few things other than baby food. Like mac n cheese, homemade mashed taters, pancakes, white beans, and a few other things I can't think of right now. I've been kind of hesitant to let her eat off of our plates because usually we cook pretty spicy and I always forget to separate a little serving before adding spices. But I will make sure to start doing it now.

From what I've been reading it's time to start weaning from the bottle but I know that's a battle I do not want to have right now. She's so dependent on it for naps and to fall asleep at night. And the few nights when she wakes up during the night she wants a bottle to go back to sleep.

She isn't a fan of the sippy but she likes to drink out of a regular cup. I guess that's one thing I won't have to break a habit of is a sippy but a regular cup is so messy with a 9 month old!

On another Calleigh related note::::her 1st birthday is in 77 days! Yikes! I can't believe it. Darren and I have been discussing her first birthday party and it's going to be fun. Her favorite show to watch is Yo Gabba Gabba and Darren thinks that would be a fun party theme.

My view is that once they're old enough to talk and tell you what they want, they will always pick a cartoon character theme. The first birthday party they won't remember so we could do whatever we want for it. I'm thinking something along the line of lady bugs or butterfly's but honestly I'm not sure yet. I think those are too over done but I'm sure we'll come up with something.

9 Months!

Calleigh is 9 months old already. I can't believe it. Like seriously, I'm shocked. She is way too big and it makes me so sad that my itty bitty baby isn't so itty bitty anymore.

She's been crawling for months now, pulling up on stuff, "cruising" around the house, has 4 teeth, likes to gnaw on her crib, enjoys trying new foods, loves stealing my sweet tea, chasing after the dogs, and coming to find where mommy is hiding from her.

I love playing hide n go seek with her. She will search and search all over the house until she finds me. When she does she sits up and shakes her arms up and down and laughs and laughs. As if to say "mommy I found you!"

This little girl prefers me over anyone else in the house. When she wakes up in the morning, she wants mommy and she wants to snuggle in the bed while she drinks her bottle. She won't let anyone else hold her or play with her until after her belly is full. If she falls and hurts herself she'll crawl to me crying and stick her arms up wanting to be picked up. She makes me feel like the best mom ever when she clearly wants me and nobody else. I couldn't have it any other way.

I need to make an appointment with a photographer for her 9 month photos. I have tons on my camera at home but I always forget to bring my camera to work.

Wow it's been a month and a half since I posted last time. I'm sorry! I've been busy and too tired and dealing with a few personal things. I'll really try and post more.

Most of you know that we lost a son in 2006. He was stillborn and I was a little crazy afterwards. Well crazy is an understatement but we'll just go with that. As time went on it got easier to "deal" with but I still cry when I think or talk about him.

I've been dealing with a lot of resentment towards my stepson. Horrible, right? I know it's wrong that I would even hold this against him but it's how my brain and heart sees things sometimes.

But let me explain.

You see, this started a few months ago. B was playing with Calleigh and I was laughing at them. The next thing I know, I'm having to walk away in tears because it hurt me so bad. I got angry that it was him playing with Calleigh and not Wyatt playing with Calleigh. Yeah that probably makes me sound cuckoo but that's what happened.

I was dealing with this by myself. I haven't said anything about it to anyone because it's embarrassing! I sucked it up and I mentioned it to Darren the other night that I was having a hard time watching B and Calleigh play together because it made me upset and I explained how and why. He totally understood and let me cry on his shoulder for however long it took me to get my stuff together.

I feel so horrible for having these kinds of thoughts because it's not B's fault that Wyatt isn't here. It's not anybody's fault. I just think it's so unfair that my son can't be here to play with his sister. That watching my son and my daughter play together was robbed from me. (Don't get me wrong, I consider my step-kids my own even though they aren't. It's different though. My own stepmom told me that when I had kids of my own that it wouldn't be the same. And I totally get that now. So please don't even think "oh what her stepson isn't her son?" This isn't even about that. )

I guess this is something I'll always have to deal with though. I just hope I find a healthier way to deal with it than bottling it up and exploding on Darren's shoulder. I've always thought time would make it better, that's not true. Then I thought having Calleigh would make it better, that's not totally true either.

Don't get me wrong, she makes me feel a lot better. Like I'm whole again. Like I am the best mom ever when she looks at me with her big brown eyes and grins that beautiful 3 teeth grin of hers. Or when she says mamamamamama over and over again. There are times where I couldn't imagine being any happier than I am right at that moment. Then I remember about my angel and I feel guilty because I was imagining being happy without him.

Maybe I have unfair expectations of myself? It's possible to still be happy with one child while grieving over another child that was lost years ago, right? Don't take this post the wrong way. I'm not totally depressed about anything. I just have had these nagging feelings in my mind and heart for a few months now and maybe talking to someone will make it better. Maybe it won't.

But I do not sit around crying or comparing Calleigh to Wyatt or anything like that.

These thoughts pop up at anytime. I'll be feeding Calleigh dinner or giving her a bath or doing something simple as playing peekaboo. I mean it could really be anything that we're doing and I'll think man it would be so nice to have Wyatt here for that.

And I'm sure that every parent that has ever lost a baby or child has had these kinds of thoughts or feelings. But this is starting to really suck!!

I'm well aware that this post might not make any sense or might seem like rambling but it's my blog so get over it :)

What I really really want =)

I follow this blog http://mrsforeste.blogspot.com/ she's giving away a $50 gift certificate to The Vintage Pearl. They have a lot of precious necklaces and bracelets and just girly stuff. I've been eyeballing a few things on this site since not too long after I found out I was pregnant. I've let Darren know that I'm interested in a few things so we'll see what he ends up buying.

Pageant

Well the pageant went great. It was so hot in there though! The AC had been turned off since Friday afternoon and they didn't turn it back on until Sunday morning AFTER we got there. Talk about a lot of unhappy kiddos!

Calleigh didn't place but she was in a hard group. She was in 7-12 month olds and she was the only one not walking. She was the only one under 9 or 10 months. She also slept while we were on stage! I tried everything I could to get her to wake up but no luck. Oh well I think she did great and I enjoyed myself even though I was so sweaty!

We didn't get any pictures taken for some reason. They didn't allow cameras in the building and they said they had a photog set up to take pics but I never seen her or was even told anything about where or when she'd come out. Oh well.

I'm very excited about this mothers day. I've always thought of myself as a mommy because I did have a baby even though he was stillborn. And I've been a stepmom for almost 5 years now. But this Mothers day is different. I actually have a baby here with me to celebrate it with. Darren is supposed to be off work so we might boil crawfish :)!!!!!!!!! That makes me happy. A fun relaxing day with the hubbs and our daughter. B & M are spending mothers day with their mom but B will be there with us Sunday night.

Excited for Sunday

I know there is some mixed opinions on baby pageants. Honestly they don't bother me. I've never been in one. I've had friends and family that do them and love them. Anyway I found a local pageant that I am putting Calleigh in on Sunday. It's a "Sunday Best" pageant, no pageant dresses allowed. Even for the older girls. Calleigh is going to wear the dress she wore for Easter pics. It's a very light light pink Feldman Brothers dress. I think it's going to be fun.

This post reminded me that I need to post her Easter pic. I still haven't even scanned it. I'll have to remember to do it later. She was absolutely darling =)

Been a while

It's been a while since my last post. I've been super busy at work and haven't really had time to post. A lot has been going on too. Calleigh is now almost crawling. She will get on her hands and knees and rock back and forth and even move her knees but she hasn't really figured it out yet. She went to her 6 month check up earlier this month. She was 28" long and was 18.5 lbs. She's getting so big. I look at her at night after she's fallen asleep and I could seriously cry over how much she's grown. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very happy that she's growing up and learning new things but man I really miss my little bitty baby.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, just skimming through and one post on a blog really caught my eye. It's a link to Cora's story. Not sure if you've heard about her but she was a baby who only lived 5 days and died in her mommas arms while breastfeeding. She had CHD that went undetected at birth. In one of her mom's blog posts it says to hug your babies every day. That is a very good rule to live by. Not a day goes by that I don't shower Calleigh with love. Even on days where I have to work both jobs and only get about 30 minutes with her before I leave for my 2nd job.

I couldn't imagine losing a baby after 5 days. We lost our son before he was born and that's a tragedy in it's own. But to lose a baby after having met him/her is unthinkable.

Anyway I guess after all that all I really want to say is hug your babies, your children, and your loved ones. You never really know how much time you have with them.

Whew..1st night in crib=SUCCESS!!!

These posts are pretty spaced out. I need to make more time to blog about our little girl and the things we have going on in our lives. Where should I start???

My stepson B is in baseball now. He had his 1st practice Monday night and his 2nd will be tonight. They have 4 weeks before their first game and we're so excited! He's pretty good even though this is his first time playing. He said he prefers to play outfield but towards their first game their coach will assign positions based on how he thinks who plays which position better.

Calleigh is getting so big! She'll be 6 months this Sunday and man I think it's going to hit me hard. I already get sad thinking about it. She just keeps growing and I can't believe it. I'm so glad I soaked in all her newborn-ness (if that's a word). She slept in her crib last night for the first time. She did great. She slept all night. She actually didn't wake up until I dropped her off at my MIL's house.

I've enjoyed having her in our room right next to me. It was so much easier to grab her and put her in the bed with me for bottles in the early AM. And it was so much easier to hear her when she wakes up too. It'll take some getting used to but I believe this will be a smooth transition. I was thinking man I've waited 6 months already..she'll be in our room till she's 10!!! I'm glad that's not going to come true.

Other than that not much has been going on. We've been getting ready for spring break and Easter. I'll probably do some Easter basket shopping this weekend. And I believe Calleigh will be going to see the Easter bunny this weekend also. I gotta start brainstorming ideas for her basket. I know you can't do the whole candy thing but I was thinking some cute clothes, more bottles, toys, a sippy cup, and some hair bows. Not sure what else I'll throw in there. I guess whatever I find.

We have teeth!

Ms. Calleigh has two pretty little white nubs on her lower gum. One is poking through more than the other one but you can deffinately see both of them. So freaking presh by the way! I'll hafta snap a pic of them and post.

Oh and gosh I'm such a bad mom. Calleigh had her 4 month checkup last Friday. She was already 5 months and 5 days but obviously her pedi's office is just that busy. Anywho...onto her stats. She is weighing in at 17.4 lbs. Her length is 27". Now see I have a problem with her weight. She kept moving on the scale and the numbers were going up and down..the nurse was impatient so she wrote down a number that it paused on and told me to pick Calleigh up. Doc said she's in the 97% for her weight and 100% for height. That basically means only 3% of girls her age are heavier than her and she's in the heaviest weight for girls her age. But my baby isn't chunky...she's just really long.

Not much else has been going on. Calleigh's Godmother and my bestie is coming to stay this weekend. I'm super duper excited about that. She has only seen Calleigh a few times and never for a long period of time. She'll be here from Friday evening to late Sunday afternoon. I can't freaking wait!! I so need some girl time.

I miss living where we used to live. Even though we've been here for 4 years now...it's still not home and I still don't have any close friends. I might have one or two hopefuls but their younger and single..still in partying mode. Oh well..hopefully I'll make some gal pals sooner or later.

Family Pictures

Okay, this will be the last post of today I promise. I probably should hold out and post this later this week to give me something to post but I'm on a roll.

We took family pictures this past Saturday. We went to Sears. I was satisfied with them. Not overly impressed, just satisfied. They could of taken some more time to edit our pictures. A lot of them came out with shadows but I edited them in Picasa and they came out fine. I'll pick them up this Saturday. Anyway...I'll go ahead and post them.

Oh and btw, yes Calleigh's 5 month old pics were also taken this day. We killed 2 birds with one stone!

5 Months!!!

Wow...Calleigh is 5 months old now. Where has the time gone? Next month, she'll be half a year old. I can't believe it. She's doing so much now! She's also cutting her first little tooth. I felt it last night. I can't quite see it yet but I know it's there. I'm looking forward to that precious smile with little teeth in it.

As of right now, Calleigh is eating 3 solid meals a day. Breakfast consists of 3-4 tablespoons of rice cereal or oatmeal mixed with half a jar to a jar of a fruit and also about 2-3 ounces of formula. Lunch is a jar of veggie and/or a fruit. Sometimes my little pig is so hungry that one jar isn't enough. Dinner is always 2 jars of a veggie. And then after a bath and some snuggling, she's ready for a 4 ounce bottle of formula to put her to sleep.

I believe I already posted most of her accomplishments in a few posts below. But I'll recap...sitting up assisted, eating solids, grabbing for and holding toys, grinning, giggling, laughing, rolling over from back to belly and belly to back.

She goes to the doctor this Friday and I'm so curious as to how much she's grown. I'm thinking she'll be at least 20 lbs or over and at least 29 inches or longer. She's such a ham!

Sorry this is a little late

As promised, here are pics of the adorable Ms. Calleigh!

Calleigh is now 5 months old! She made 5 months this past Sunday. I will post her 5 month old pic in a separate post.

I'm such a bad blogger

But I actually blame it on my work computer. I went almost a whole month without internet access at work because of a virus. And I'm way too busy at home to even crack open the laptop. This will be a picture-less post because my camera is at home. I will try and remember to bring it tomorrow! I have a ton of new pics to post.

Calleigh is doing so much now. She's pretty good at sitting up now. She's still somewhat assisted though because she's still doing the tripod sit but she's getting better. She's started rolling from back to belly. She did it a while back but we didn't see it. She was laying on her playmat and the next thing we know she's on her belly and her feet were where her head was and her head where her feet were. Then about a week later I finally see her do it while I'm getting ready for work.

She's laughing so much now and always has a grin on her pretty little face. She is amazed by her feet and she tries to stick them in her mouth. She'll occasionally get a toe or two in there =) Her fingers stay in her mouth. She's getting pretty good at holding toys and reaching for them. Whatever toy she has in her hand, must be inspected by her mouth first.

She'll be 5 months old next week. I'm so not ready for this. I get so teary eyed thinking that just a few months ago she was just a newborn. Now she's so big and doing so many things...I wish I could pause time.

Calleigh has a baby cousin!

Well our cousin BJ and his wife Theresa had their baby girl Riley Augustine on 1/20/10 at 1:57 A.M. weighing in at 20 3/4 inches 8.15 pounds!!! A huge congratulations to them. I can't wait to meet her. We might go there this weekend or next weekend. They're not being released to go home until tomorrow morning and they don't know if they'll be up for visitors this weekend or not yet.

Well Calleigh makes 4 months next Thursday and I think we'll be trying cereal soon. We'll see how it goes. I had a dream last night that she was feeding herself some type of orange baby food and it was all over her....can't wait to actually get something like that on camera and on our camcorder.

Well nothing new to really update with. Calleigh is starting to giggle alot now and she always has a grin on her face when you look at her. She's been really fussy at night lately though. I'm not sure if it's teeth or if it's the fact that she doesn't nap at my mother-in-law's during the day.

My MIL is still really on my ass about feeding Calleigh cereal in a bottle. She's even told me that she's going to go buy baby food and cereal and oatmeal and just start feeding her that stuff herself!!! I told her I just wouldn't bring Calleigh over there if she was going to be like that. That's my fricken child and I want to be the one to feed her stuff like that first. That might sound stupid but that's something important to me. Especially if this is going to be our last baby like I'm thinking it's going to be. I've told her that nobody puts cereal in bottles anymore unless the pedi okays it for whatever reason. She claims that if mother's listened to pedi's all the time then our children would starve. I honestly can't stand having to give her reasons for how I want to do things. It really aggrivates me. Sometimes I just want to tell her to STFU and grab my baby and leave...

New Year and Updates

Well it's been a while since I've posted. Me and Darren were both off from Christmas eve until yesterday and man was it so nice! We really enjoyed our time off with our little girl. We ended up going to my parents and doing Christmas morning there. Then went to Darren's sisters house and then finally home. Calleigh got tons of gifts. One of my stepmoms favorite things that her and my dad bought Calleigh was a pink rocking horse. Yep...a 3 months old with a rocking horse...She won't be able to play with it for a while but man is it precious!

Calleigh made 3 months on 12/28 and we got her ears pierced on New Years Eve. We took her to the mall and then we went and ate lunch at Coyote Blues. She cried for a few minutes but a bottle made it all better.

I've been playing with her trying to get her to sit up by herself for the past week or so now and last night she sat up by herself for 5 minutes. She had her fists by her legs propping her up but she wasn't leaning down, she was sitting up and looking around. We were so proud of her!!


Okay here's some pics!



Holding her head up during tummy time on our bed




Grinning for her 3 month picture

Ears pierced!

Christmas night with her sister M and brother B

Smiling at mommy Christmas morning



And her sitting up last night!!!!