How many straws does it take to break the donkeys back?

The past few days have been really hard emotionally on me. Like stress wise I'm on a level 14. I can't even explain without making this a 1000 word entry. It's just so many little things that have been adding up and I have no body to really talk to them about. Last night I broke down and called my BFF at 10:30 before I went to a bar in my pj's to drown my sorrows. Thankfully, she stopped me. I don't think anyone wanted to see a crazy lady in her pj's. I talked to her for about an hour or so and I admit I felt relieved to talk about it but not anywhere close to feeling better. She thinks that stopping my hormone pills before I was supposed to has something to do with it but if it does it's a very small part. I have so much stuff on my plate and nobody understands. I don't even want to bore y'all with the details.

I just wish me and my baby could get away for a few days. She always makes me feel better. It's like her smile and giggles have magical healing powers. Her sweet kisses and hugs can wash all my stress away for the time being. I'm so glad I'm off tonight. I'm in desperate need of some play time with Calleigh. Hopefully this weekend rejuvenates me because honestly I don't know how much more I can take :(

OMG How could I have forgot to post this?!?!

Last Friday Calleigh had her 9 month well baby check up. Even though she is already 10 months old. I guess her pedi's office is SO busy. Anyway. On to her stats.
Length: 30 inches (WHAAAAAAAAT???)
Weight: 20 lbs 13 ounces
Head: 18 inches

FIRST OF ALL....WHO OKAYED HER TO GROW TO 30 INCHES?!?!??!?! Certainly not me. When she was born, she was 21 3/4" and 7lbs 13oz. So in just 10 months she's grown 9 1/4" and 13lbs?
Did you hear that?....The sound of my jaw hitting my desk?

We have a stander!

Standing up!

Calleigh has been standing by herself for a week or two now. Every time I pull my camera out she'll sit down and refuse to stand up again. I finally got some shots last night and I'll share the 2 best here. I've posted the rest on my facebook so if you're my friend on there, you've seen them.

So about the new blog look....my background deleted itself last week so I started playing around with a new one and I couldn't find one I liked. So I started playing around with Blogger's new stuff and kinda tweaked this into something I can work with for a while. I like it. We'll see how long I like it for though. ;)

Alma's Visit

Yes that is a picture of Calleigh in the front seat of the truck (GASP!) BUT...we were driving around jungle gardens, getting out and looking at gators, trees, and Buddha temples. I let her sit in the front because were were going all of 2mph and getting in and out. Bash if you want, but that's how we do it down herrrre in the diiiiirrrrty south! Ask Britney Spears y'all!

We had a lot of fun with Alma while she was here. All the waiting and counting down days till she got here was well wroth it! She flew in Thursday and we got home around 7ish that evening. We went and ate dinner at the restaurant that I work at. Went home and played cards and went to bed.

Friday we woke up and had breakfast, went to Avery Island and spent a few hours out there at the Tabasco Plant and Jungle Gardens. The humidity was killing her and I didn't make her suffer long. We only stayed a little while but we got a lot of great pictures and she had fun.

Friday night we went to my stepsons baseball team's bbq. The boys got awards and trophy's. It was nice to see all the families there too. We got to catch up with everyone and they were all nice to the "yankee" ha ha ha

Saturday we spent the day at my parents house and boiled crabs. I was happy she got to spend time with my parents, my brother, and my sista from another mista Amanda! Alma and Amanda met when me and Darren got married. They instantly clicked and they keep in contact on Facebook. We ate yummy Washington Parish watermelon after we had crabs. We got home pretty late and played cards again and stayed up talking.




Sunday Alma, Calleigh, and I went and ate brunch at Ruby Tuesday. Very yummy! Enjoyed having some girl time that we so desperately needed! That evening we hung around the house and Darren made his famous shrimp poppers. We made screwdrivers, ate yummy food, played cards, and enjoyed each others company.





Monday was her last day with us. We woke up really early and made the 2 hour drive to New Orleans to spend the day. We shopped in the French Market, walked around the French Quarter, had hurricanes, ate award winning candy, had crawfish bread, and enjoyed the scenery. We were going to go to Cafe Du Monde but we didn't think hurricanes and beignets mixed too well.





I was so sad to see her leave but I know we'll see her soon. We have air miles that expire in November so we'll be using them before then!

I may hate white cabinets but I love magic erasers

Oh dear last night was horrible! I cleaned my kitchen for 3 hours before throwing in the towel and eating dinner. I still have to clean the microwave and wipe down my fridge and stove, sweep and mop the kitchen then it's done. And the Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are my new favorite cleaning toy.

Today I have to clean both bathrooms, wipe down my couch (is it possible to clean microfiber? I shall google), wash all sheets, dust living room, dining room, and dining room light, clean 4 more ceiling fans, clean Calleigh's room, and then finally clean my room. Oh dear...I feel nauseous!

Anyway...so last night after I ate dinner I was playing with Calleigh. I was holding her and had her bent over backwards and was tickling her stomach. As she was laughing I noticed that her 4 teeth nubs up top have turned into full fledged teeth! I tried my hardest to get a pic but she wouldn't let me. So my little bitty 9 1/2 month old now has 6 full fledged teeth, and 1 little bitty nub on bottom trying it's hardest to come in. She'll have a mouth full soon!

I'm trying to think of a way to ween her off the bottle. So far, we've tried 3 different sippy cups and she hasn't liked any of them. She'll drink a little but she still prefers to drink out of a normal cup! Ugh...this bottle battle is going to be horrible. I believe once I find a sippy she likes, she'll give up her day time bottles. But her night time bottle is a whole different ball park! She NEEDS it to go to sleep. AND YES I KNOW TO WAIT TILL SHE'S A YEAR OLD TO TAKE THE BOTTLE FROM HER but with only 2 months left (aaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!) it's better to start trying sippy cups now than wait till later!

I hate white cabinets

So my cousin is coming to visit this Thursday through Monday. I'm super excited about her visit. I haven't seen her since Darren and I got married and she is by far my favorite cousin.

Her visit actually snuck up on me. I knew it was coming but when we got home Sunday night from my sister-in-law's house I realized how much I have to do before she gets here and I had a mild panic attack. I started dusting yesterday but I still have ALOT to do. Like dusting ceiling fans, crown molding, floorboards, entertainment center, cleaning and organizing, my kitchen needs a deep cleaning (by the way, I HATE white cabinets!), my bathrooms need a deep cleaning as well, I need to wash and dry sheets and comforters...

Whew that just makes me exhausted looking at my list and I know there are more things I'm forgetting. I foresee dinner being something simple and easy tonight. Like something I can just pop in the oven and forget about it.

Weekend!

This weekend is going to be very busy! When I get off work today, I'm going to pick up a birthday cake for my sister in law and then going home and packing. Loading up the kids and the truck and getting on the road. I'm driving to my SIL's house, dropping off the cake and my stepson so he can play with his cousins tonight. Then I'm going to stay at my parents house so they can see Calleigh. Then Saturday morning I'm waking up to a breakfast prepared by my wonderful dad, getting my hair cut and highlighted by my wonderful stepmom. Visit for a few more hours and go to my son's grave. Then going to PARTY it up at my sister in law's for her birthday party.

They're doing a HUGE bbq at her house and I'm so excited because the last time I was at her house for longer than an hour or two was for Christmas. Man do I need some time with her. I'm bringing my skipbo cards because that is OUR game. We can play that game for hours and hours.

And I WILL have pictures to post next week. I am determined to take lots of pictures this weekend.

Thankful On Thursday

-I'm thankful for a beautiful loving family. I don't know what I did to deserve such a great blessing.
-I'm thankful for kick ass friends who are there for me through thick and thin. No.matter.what.
-I'm thankful for my sweet doggies who shower me daily with love and sweet kisses.
-I'm thankful for hot sunny summer days spent with the ones I love.

Smooches

If I wouldn't have turned the internet off on my phone I would be able to show you the cutest thing eva!!! Calleigh has learned how to make a kissy face! It's so precious. I've been trying to show her how to blow a kiss and normally all she does is laugh at me. But yesterday she put her lips together and pushed them out. I couldn't help myself but steal a kiss and then take a pic and text it to my family and friends.

Calleigh has 7 teeth! Just a week or two ago she only had 4. She has the two on bottom that she's had forever now. She has a small nub poking in on the bottom left, and 4 nubs on top. It's so cute! She tried a hotdog last night and she loved it. I boiled it because microwave dogs are just gross! I cut it up small enough and let her feed herself.

I feel a little behind on the self feeding and solid food thing. So far she's only tried a few things other than baby food. Like mac n cheese, homemade mashed taters, pancakes, white beans, and a few other things I can't think of right now. I've been kind of hesitant to let her eat off of our plates because usually we cook pretty spicy and I always forget to separate a little serving before adding spices. But I will make sure to start doing it now.

From what I've been reading it's time to start weaning from the bottle but I know that's a battle I do not want to have right now. She's so dependent on it for naps and to fall asleep at night. And the few nights when she wakes up during the night she wants a bottle to go back to sleep.

She isn't a fan of the sippy but she likes to drink out of a regular cup. I guess that's one thing I won't have to break a habit of is a sippy but a regular cup is so messy with a 9 month old!

On another Calleigh related note::::her 1st birthday is in 77 days! Yikes! I can't believe it. Darren and I have been discussing her first birthday party and it's going to be fun. Her favorite show to watch is Yo Gabba Gabba and Darren thinks that would be a fun party theme.

My view is that once they're old enough to talk and tell you what they want, they will always pick a cartoon character theme. The first birthday party they won't remember so we could do whatever we want for it. I'm thinking something along the line of lady bugs or butterfly's but honestly I'm not sure yet. I think those are too over done but I'm sure we'll come up with something.

9 Months!

Calleigh is 9 months old already. I can't believe it. Like seriously, I'm shocked. She is way too big and it makes me so sad that my itty bitty baby isn't so itty bitty anymore.

She's been crawling for months now, pulling up on stuff, "cruising" around the house, has 4 teeth, likes to gnaw on her crib, enjoys trying new foods, loves stealing my sweet tea, chasing after the dogs, and coming to find where mommy is hiding from her.

I love playing hide n go seek with her. She will search and search all over the house until she finds me. When she does she sits up and shakes her arms up and down and laughs and laughs. As if to say "mommy I found you!"

This little girl prefers me over anyone else in the house. When she wakes up in the morning, she wants mommy and she wants to snuggle in the bed while she drinks her bottle. She won't let anyone else hold her or play with her until after her belly is full. If she falls and hurts herself she'll crawl to me crying and stick her arms up wanting to be picked up. She makes me feel like the best mom ever when she clearly wants me and nobody else. I couldn't have it any other way.

I need to make an appointment with a photographer for her 9 month photos. I have tons on my camera at home but I always forget to bring my camera to work.

Wow it's been a month and a half since I posted last time. I'm sorry! I've been busy and too tired and dealing with a few personal things. I'll really try and post more.

Most of you know that we lost a son in 2006. He was stillborn and I was a little crazy afterwards. Well crazy is an understatement but we'll just go with that. As time went on it got easier to "deal" with but I still cry when I think or talk about him.

I've been dealing with a lot of resentment towards my stepson. Horrible, right? I know it's wrong that I would even hold this against him but it's how my brain and heart sees things sometimes.

But let me explain.

You see, this started a few months ago. B was playing with Calleigh and I was laughing at them. The next thing I know, I'm having to walk away in tears because it hurt me so bad. I got angry that it was him playing with Calleigh and not Wyatt playing with Calleigh. Yeah that probably makes me sound cuckoo but that's what happened.

I was dealing with this by myself. I haven't said anything about it to anyone because it's embarrassing! I sucked it up and I mentioned it to Darren the other night that I was having a hard time watching B and Calleigh play together because it made me upset and I explained how and why. He totally understood and let me cry on his shoulder for however long it took me to get my stuff together.

I feel so horrible for having these kinds of thoughts because it's not B's fault that Wyatt isn't here. It's not anybody's fault. I just think it's so unfair that my son can't be here to play with his sister. That watching my son and my daughter play together was robbed from me. (Don't get me wrong, I consider my step-kids my own even though they aren't. It's different though. My own stepmom told me that when I had kids of my own that it wouldn't be the same. And I totally get that now. So please don't even think "oh what her stepson isn't her son?" This isn't even about that. )

I guess this is something I'll always have to deal with though. I just hope I find a healthier way to deal with it than bottling it up and exploding on Darren's shoulder. I've always thought time would make it better, that's not true. Then I thought having Calleigh would make it better, that's not totally true either.

Don't get me wrong, she makes me feel a lot better. Like I'm whole again. Like I am the best mom ever when she looks at me with her big brown eyes and grins that beautiful 3 teeth grin of hers. Or when she says mamamamamama over and over again. There are times where I couldn't imagine being any happier than I am right at that moment. Then I remember about my angel and I feel guilty because I was imagining being happy without him.

Maybe I have unfair expectations of myself? It's possible to still be happy with one child while grieving over another child that was lost years ago, right? Don't take this post the wrong way. I'm not totally depressed about anything. I just have had these nagging feelings in my mind and heart for a few months now and maybe talking to someone will make it better. Maybe it won't.

But I do not sit around crying or comparing Calleigh to Wyatt or anything like that.

These thoughts pop up at anytime. I'll be feeding Calleigh dinner or giving her a bath or doing something simple as playing peekaboo. I mean it could really be anything that we're doing and I'll think man it would be so nice to have Wyatt here for that.

And I'm sure that every parent that has ever lost a baby or child has had these kinds of thoughts or feelings. But this is starting to really suck!!

I'm well aware that this post might not make any sense or might seem like rambling but it's my blog so get over it :)

What I really really want =)

I follow this blog http://mrsforeste.blogspot.com/ she's giving away a $50 gift certificate to The Vintage Pearl. They have a lot of precious necklaces and bracelets and just girly stuff. I've been eyeballing a few things on this site since not too long after I found out I was pregnant. I've let Darren know that I'm interested in a few things so we'll see what he ends up buying.

Pageant

Well the pageant went great. It was so hot in there though! The AC had been turned off since Friday afternoon and they didn't turn it back on until Sunday morning AFTER we got there. Talk about a lot of unhappy kiddos!

Calleigh didn't place but she was in a hard group. She was in 7-12 month olds and she was the only one not walking. She was the only one under 9 or 10 months. She also slept while we were on stage! I tried everything I could to get her to wake up but no luck. Oh well I think she did great and I enjoyed myself even though I was so sweaty!

We didn't get any pictures taken for some reason. They didn't allow cameras in the building and they said they had a photog set up to take pics but I never seen her or was even told anything about where or when she'd come out. Oh well.

I'm very excited about this mothers day. I've always thought of myself as a mommy because I did have a baby even though he was stillborn. And I've been a stepmom for almost 5 years now. But this Mothers day is different. I actually have a baby here with me to celebrate it with. Darren is supposed to be off work so we might boil crawfish :)!!!!!!!!! That makes me happy. A fun relaxing day with the hubbs and our daughter. B & M are spending mothers day with their mom but B will be there with us Sunday night.

Excited for Sunday

I know there is some mixed opinions on baby pageants. Honestly they don't bother me. I've never been in one. I've had friends and family that do them and love them. Anyway I found a local pageant that I am putting Calleigh in on Sunday. It's a "Sunday Best" pageant, no pageant dresses allowed. Even for the older girls. Calleigh is going to wear the dress she wore for Easter pics. It's a very light light pink Feldman Brothers dress. I think it's going to be fun.

This post reminded me that I need to post her Easter pic. I still haven't even scanned it. I'll have to remember to do it later. She was absolutely darling =)

Been a while

It's been a while since my last post. I've been super busy at work and haven't really had time to post. A lot has been going on too. Calleigh is now almost crawling. She will get on her hands and knees and rock back and forth and even move her knees but she hasn't really figured it out yet. She went to her 6 month check up earlier this month. She was 28" long and was 18.5 lbs. She's getting so big. I look at her at night after she's fallen asleep and I could seriously cry over how much she's grown. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very happy that she's growing up and learning new things but man I really miss my little bitty baby.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, just skimming through and one post on a blog really caught my eye. It's a link to Cora's story. Not sure if you've heard about her but she was a baby who only lived 5 days and died in her mommas arms while breastfeeding. She had CHD that went undetected at birth. In one of her mom's blog posts it says to hug your babies every day. That is a very good rule to live by. Not a day goes by that I don't shower Calleigh with love. Even on days where I have to work both jobs and only get about 30 minutes with her before I leave for my 2nd job.

I couldn't imagine losing a baby after 5 days. We lost our son before he was born and that's a tragedy in it's own. But to lose a baby after having met him/her is unthinkable.

Anyway I guess after all that all I really want to say is hug your babies, your children, and your loved ones. You never really know how much time you have with them.

Whew..1st night in crib=SUCCESS!!!

These posts are pretty spaced out. I need to make more time to blog about our little girl and the things we have going on in our lives. Where should I start???

My stepson B is in baseball now. He had his 1st practice Monday night and his 2nd will be tonight. They have 4 weeks before their first game and we're so excited! He's pretty good even though this is his first time playing. He said he prefers to play outfield but towards their first game their coach will assign positions based on how he thinks who plays which position better.

Calleigh is getting so big! She'll be 6 months this Sunday and man I think it's going to hit me hard. I already get sad thinking about it. She just keeps growing and I can't believe it. I'm so glad I soaked in all her newborn-ness (if that's a word). She slept in her crib last night for the first time. She did great. She slept all night. She actually didn't wake up until I dropped her off at my MIL's house.

I've enjoyed having her in our room right next to me. It was so much easier to grab her and put her in the bed with me for bottles in the early AM. And it was so much easier to hear her when she wakes up too. It'll take some getting used to but I believe this will be a smooth transition. I was thinking man I've waited 6 months already..she'll be in our room till she's 10!!! I'm glad that's not going to come true.

Other than that not much has been going on. We've been getting ready for spring break and Easter. I'll probably do some Easter basket shopping this weekend. And I believe Calleigh will be going to see the Easter bunny this weekend also. I gotta start brainstorming ideas for her basket. I know you can't do the whole candy thing but I was thinking some cute clothes, more bottles, toys, a sippy cup, and some hair bows. Not sure what else I'll throw in there. I guess whatever I find.

We have teeth!

Ms. Calleigh has two pretty little white nubs on her lower gum. One is poking through more than the other one but you can deffinately see both of them. So freaking presh by the way! I'll hafta snap a pic of them and post.

Oh and gosh I'm such a bad mom. Calleigh had her 4 month checkup last Friday. She was already 5 months and 5 days but obviously her pedi's office is just that busy. Anywho...onto her stats. She is weighing in at 17.4 lbs. Her length is 27". Now see I have a problem with her weight. She kept moving on the scale and the numbers were going up and down..the nurse was impatient so she wrote down a number that it paused on and told me to pick Calleigh up. Doc said she's in the 97% for her weight and 100% for height. That basically means only 3% of girls her age are heavier than her and she's in the heaviest weight for girls her age. But my baby isn't chunky...she's just really long.

Not much else has been going on. Calleigh's Godmother and my bestie is coming to stay this weekend. I'm super duper excited about that. She has only seen Calleigh a few times and never for a long period of time. She'll be here from Friday evening to late Sunday afternoon. I can't freaking wait!! I so need some girl time.

I miss living where we used to live. Even though we've been here for 4 years now...it's still not home and I still don't have any close friends. I might have one or two hopefuls but their younger and single..still in partying mode. Oh well..hopefully I'll make some gal pals sooner or later.

Family Pictures

Okay, this will be the last post of today I promise. I probably should hold out and post this later this week to give me something to post but I'm on a roll.

We took family pictures this past Saturday. We went to Sears. I was satisfied with them. Not overly impressed, just satisfied. They could of taken some more time to edit our pictures. A lot of them came out with shadows but I edited them in Picasa and they came out fine. I'll pick them up this Saturday. Anyway...I'll go ahead and post them.

Oh and btw, yes Calleigh's 5 month old pics were also taken this day. We killed 2 birds with one stone!

5 Months!!!

Wow...Calleigh is 5 months old now. Where has the time gone? Next month, she'll be half a year old. I can't believe it. She's doing so much now! She's also cutting her first little tooth. I felt it last night. I can't quite see it yet but I know it's there. I'm looking forward to that precious smile with little teeth in it.

As of right now, Calleigh is eating 3 solid meals a day. Breakfast consists of 3-4 tablespoons of rice cereal or oatmeal mixed with half a jar to a jar of a fruit and also about 2-3 ounces of formula. Lunch is a jar of veggie and/or a fruit. Sometimes my little pig is so hungry that one jar isn't enough. Dinner is always 2 jars of a veggie. And then after a bath and some snuggling, she's ready for a 4 ounce bottle of formula to put her to sleep.

I believe I already posted most of her accomplishments in a few posts below. But I'll recap...sitting up assisted, eating solids, grabbing for and holding toys, grinning, giggling, laughing, rolling over from back to belly and belly to back.

She goes to the doctor this Friday and I'm so curious as to how much she's grown. I'm thinking she'll be at least 20 lbs or over and at least 29 inches or longer. She's such a ham!

Sorry this is a little late

As promised, here are pics of the adorable Ms. Calleigh!

Calleigh is now 5 months old! She made 5 months this past Sunday. I will post her 5 month old pic in a separate post.